you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
