I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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