I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
