my phone cant type all the emotion im having
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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