how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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