I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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