We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
