I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
