I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize