To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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