whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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