morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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