I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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