So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
