Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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