I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
