you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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