I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
