Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
