I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
