They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
