it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
