It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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