why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
