I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
