Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
