my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
