yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
