Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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