You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
