There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
