too bad you live with your parents still
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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