She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I deserve this hangover.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize