she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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