ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
