I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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