I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
