i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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