Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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