I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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