all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
