i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Come see our sink grown plant.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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