But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
