I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
birth control should be required to get into college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
