Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
