I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
