Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
