don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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