Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
