We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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