Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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