Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
