all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
try to milk me bitch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
