Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
