new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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