I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
