Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
