life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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