So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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