Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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