I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
