dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
