He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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